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But then I felt the thought enter my brain: I’m totally in love with Adam DeMarcus. It just seemed to sit there, deep in the core of my mind, and something about it relaxed me. Like the thought had been waiting there forever, and all the pain was just my brain finding the pathway to that one beautiful idea. There was still some pain, though. It still felt like there was more to the idea, more to discover. I started to understand that my mind was trying to fight this…learning process, I guess you’d call it, but that’s just a shadow of how intense it really was. But the more I fought it, the more it burned these new pathways through my brain, teaching me the absolute truths that I was having a harder and harder time denying. I’m totally subservient to Adam DeMarcus, I thought, and I let out a tiny sigh as the grip of the paralysis relaxed, just a little. I realized that the more I gave in, the more I let my thoughts fall into this new groove of obedience, the more I got back control of. The prospect of losing my alias to a stranger hurts me even more. Only my children and inclusion in the sisterhood matter more to me, and it sounds like only my children will remain with me if I don't patch this up. Kyra suddenly breaks down and says, "I'm so sorry, Cath, I know I told you about Rule Number One, but I probably didn't emphasize how important it is." "Silence, Mrs. Cardinal. What's done is done. We can use her help to recover from this fuckup, but she has to pay the price first. We don't want sisters who won't take responsibility for their actions." Liz turns back to me. "You can choose to leave if you want, without your coat and mask, and of course your card will be cancelled. Or you can accept punishment and work with us. Either choice requires the removal of your coat. If you accept and endure the punishment, the mask can stay on. Well?" It is obvious that I cannot lie my way out of this. I had not covered my tracks well enough, and obviously, Claire had confirmed.
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